Viola Davis in her book ‘Finding me’ she says Will Smith asks her who she really is. Will explains to a confused Viola that he’s will always be the guy who got dumped at 15 and she says she’s the girl who used to run from her bullies, every afternoon from school.
I don’t know if what I’m about to share wraps what has defined me. But the burden that I have carried longer than others, the one that shows up in different ways, through the different stages of my growth and development; is the disproportionate fear that I have done something wrong.
I feel this when I have achieved something great. I feel it when I have asserted myself, I feel it when I have ended a relationship that wasn’t good for me, when I have stood my ground. After a great evening with friends or loved ones. I feel it in my solar plexus, a familiar panic.
Growing up under difficult circumstances. I created safety by being the ‘good girl’. I had a good relationship with everyone in the family, when all of them had a difficult relationship with one another. I learnt that survival was being what others want you to be.
My fear of disapproval and as a result, my people pleasing response to that fear, served me by exhausting me enough to create my commitment to self-definition and independence.
What I now know for sure is that life, is always for me. I live life with the reverse paranoia that adversity is always channeling me to my true north. What are the gifts that adversity has gifted you with?
Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?
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