A negative role model are you?
One of the most painful experiences for a mother is to see their daughter make the same mistakes they have made themselves. We try to give our children everything we’ve never had, with the hope that they will have better opportunities than we had. It can be devastating to see generational patterns sustained in their lives.
Things change when we change. One of the behaviours we need to change is what we model to the next generation. I sit with a number of mothers who want to take up coaching but can’t because they have to sacrifice for their children, in certain instances adult children.
I know that you are smart enough to know that I’m not saying that you should neglect your children in order to invest in yourself.
What I am saying is that when you place your needs last in the list of priorities because you want your children to have everything you’ve never had;
You are not teaching your children that they are worthy and should invest and prioritise themselves.
You are modelling to them that they should never prioritise themselves. That they should always prioritise others. You are perpetuating the martyr syndrome that many Black women are known for.
Research in female rivalry in the workplace, specifically between different generations describe the concept of negative role models. Younger women look at older women’s self sacrificing behaviour in the workplace and decide that this is not who they want to be.
Studies show that the most impactful parent in a child’s life is the one of the same gender. Your daughters might decide to not want to be like you, however unlearning those behaviours will prove to be the hardest work they will probably ever do.
Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?
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