Do you really think you are that powerful?
It is starting to dawn to me that Black men have decided that Black women are responsible for everything that’s going badly in their lives and in society as a whole. I’m baffled by this thinking, how are we that powerful? I’ve been following the discussion on my instagram page and it doesn’t seem to matter what the issue is, there are those Black men who will come out and tie it to how it is the Black women’s fault. The latest of which is the latest police killing in the US, someone decided it is somehow the fault of single Black women.
Black women please don’t fall into this trap. Please don’t take responsibility for taking care of, being the pillar of strength for, taking financial and emotional responsibility for everyone in your family, church, community, friendships. It is a tunnel with no light at the end. They will still find reasons to resent you – if you think this is to buy their love and appreciation. I’ve seen it with older women in my family. I hear it from the Black women that I coach.
It is an early grave waiting to happen, it is life style diseases, it is madness, alcoholism, chronic depression and bitterness waiting to happen. What is going to happen is that you are going to take it out on your children if you have them and they are going to resent you for life.
I sit with Black women who are in jobs that are strangling the life out of them but they can’t pay for coaching services that will help them because they are prioritising everyone else. Their career are stagnating because they just have too many responsibilities, their energy is too scattered. They are in toxic workplaces but they won’t live because some people there depend on them.
Being over responsible for adults in your life is not love it is codependency, it is enmeshment. There are no boundaries, you don’t know where to start and where they end.
Some of you need to start adopting the former prime minister Jacinda Arden’s words and say that you have nothing on your tank. I dare you to fast from helping any adult for one year and see if those people will not find it elsewhere or in themselves. Use that time to fill up your tank, do some healing work, invest in yourself. This is not for everyone and circumstance differ. If this one is for, you know it.
Girl! you are not that powerful.
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