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Working while foreign

Working while foreign

I don’t think we realise how difficult it is, for a second language Black person to thrive in a Eurocentric workplace, which no offence, is the culture or South Africa’s corporate. I’m not saying that should change. I am saying that Black people who did not receive education from multiracial schools should cut themselves some slack if they are struggling in this environment.

Just learning another language is not easy, it takes a child about 7 years to speak at a basic level. Many black people will probably have their first academic class in 100% English in their first year of University . Since people make friends with people they are comfortable with, if they never have a white friend in university; the first 100% English conversation they are going to have is at the workplace.

Another obstacle Black people face, is that we often measure confidence by how assertive and outspoken a person is. We talk about negotiating for a salary raise and a promotion; about self promotion and articulating your transferable skills, making bold legacy changing decisions, etc

For a Black African woman, these are the same things she has and continues to be told they are shameful behaviours (uyaphapha, uyadelela, uyaqhoma.)

The same measures of success in a Eurocentric workplace are a shameful behaviours in most African cultures.

When one works in an environment where, who they are and how they do things is foreign. It takes more and often longer for that person to thrive, to feel and be seen as capable; the imposter syndrome is real.

So cut yourself some slack if your first leadership position happens only when you are in your forties as compared to the young Black woman who studied abroad and is the youngest executive at 28. Ignore the white person who insists on correcting your grammar instead of listening to the core message. Forgive yourself for not speaking up when you could have because you blanked and the ‘right words’ didn’t come.

You are working while foreign. In a culture whose nuances you are still learning and you are doing great .

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below ⬇️ to book a 30 Minutes ‘3 stage plan to achieving your goals session’ with me.

https://koalendar.com/e/meet-with-busisiwe-hlatswayo

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The cave you fear to enter….

It is safe to be ambitious

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek – Joseph Campbell.

When women decide to follow their ambition of expanding to the next level of leadership, impact and income. They have to go against what is, to this day, the collective idea of where a woman belongs

They have to go against the societal conditioning that teaches girls that behaviours that are crucial for attaining leadership like self-promotion are not becoming of a woman.

They have to be comfortable with being in power and in authority when all their life, whether at home, at work or in society they continue to be taught that’s not a place for a woman.

Even in our friendship as women, we sometimes hold each other to unwritten rules that are contrary to owning our power

Ambition and expansion for women is can feel unsafe, like entering a dark cave. We might not be sure what else we are going to find in that cave but we know for sure that we will experience some form of rejection from someone we love.

Because we have to change, we have to priorities what we want, over maintaining the dynamics of our relationship by staying who we are.

This can be a hugely destabilising period in our lives. It is easy to sabotage our efforts, give up and revert back to the known and the familiar.

That is the reason why it is important to allow yourself the highest level of support during this period . You are going into the unknown, your dark scary cave, but go in you must.

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below or ⬇️ in the Bio ⬆️to book a 30 Minutes 3 stage plan to achieving your goals session with me.

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It is safe to let others make up their own minds about you

It is safe to allow others to make up their own minds about you

One of the challenges that comes with being a first, which is usually the experience of Black women leaders is the feeling that the spotlight is on you.

That your every move is being scrutinised, that people are holding their breath because they are not sure whether you will succeed or not.

This is often an unconscious bias that women face even from their Allies.

This is due to the default association of leadership with men. In addition to this one may feel that they are representing the whole race and gender. That if you fail, it will confirm the stereotype that women can’t lead or that Black people can’t lead.

This can be a real barrier to authentic leadership. And can be a subconscious impediment for attracting positions of leadership.

The work becomes

◦ Doing the inner work of self definition and self approval.

◦ Building the assumption that people generally approve of you

◦ Doing the consistent work of continuously building your knowledge and skills and therefore your confidence

◦ Giving people the freedom to think of you as they please. (Analyse feedback for what may be useful but never take things personally)

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below or ⬇️ in the Bio ⬆️to book a 30 Minutes 3 stage plan to achieving your goals session with me.

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It is safe to be in your power

It is safe to be in your power

I recently had an opportunity to be a facilitator in a corporate event. I showed up strong, I’m in my confident, inspirational and charming self. I can feel the response from the participants, we are jelling, it’s all good.

Then it hit me, ‘Busi you are being too much! Look at you, oh my goodness, you love the spotlight, aren’t you a little embarrassed?’

A few years ago that would have had me shrinking into my shell. I was able identify what was happening in that moment. That no one was saying that to me but I was, even if someone had said that to me; they would still be reflecting what I’m subconsciously projecting. As well as their own projections which have nothing to do with me.

One of the reasons why many capable women are not raising their hands for leadership positions, is this fear. The fear of being in their power, of being in the spotlight – all eyes on them.

They may have logical excuses why they are not positioning themselves for Leadership in the workplace. I hear them daily in the women I coach. Some will say that they are introverts, making themselves visible or ‘kissing up’ as they like to say it is not in their nature.

While there are legitimate biases and barriers to leadership for women and Black women in particular. The greatest barriers are internal, and one of them is the fear of being seen in their power.

It is not an unjustified fear, lightning strikes the tallest tree. Being seen, self promotion goes against how girls, Black girls in particular are raised.

I’m here to say that it is safe to be ‘too much’ to have the spotlight on you, to being seen in all your power.

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below or ⬇️ in the Bio ⬆️to book a 30 Minutes 3 stage plan to achieving your goals session with me.

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Replenish your toolbox

Replenish your toolbox

It is natural and desirable for us as to learn from experiences, especially difficult and painful ones. However there is a danger of applying these lessons arbitrarily. You might have heard of the saying that goes something like; ‘when your only tool is a hammer every problem becomes a nail’.

There’s a danger of creating automated responses to situations that require a different approach.

A disappointment can teach you to rely only on yourself and accomplish much but hold you back in circumstances where collaboration, help and support from others can accelerate you to levels you may not be able to reach on your own.

This happens when deeply wounded and unhealed parts of us get triggered and robs us of the presence of mind to assess each situation and respond accordingly with agility rather rigidity.

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below or ⬇️ in the Bio ⬆️to book a 30 Minutes 3 stage plan to achieving your goals session with me.

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This is how I experience you

This is how I experience you.

I don’t see colour! This is a phrase that is often used as a defensive mechanism when accused of racism. Of course race is a construct but we are all socialised in a racialised society.

White people have been socialised to see black people as inferior, Black people have been socialised to see white people as superior. Men have been socialised to see women as inferior. That is a reality of a society that we live in and to dispute or act like that doesn’t exist is a lie.

To assume that, that socialisation is not going to inadvertently and unintentionally show up in our interactions with one another, across our diverse identities is naive to say the least.

For an example I have been socialised in a homophobic society. It doesn’t matter how ‘woke’ I think am. I can never assume that fragments of my homophobic conditioning no longer exist in my frame of reference and won’t show up in my interactions. If a member of the LGBTQIA+ community tells me that they have experienced an encounter with me as homophobic, that’s not a time to defend myself, that is the time to mend the relationship. And take the responsibility to reflect and unlearn my unintentional homophobic behaviour

This is how I experience you. I learned this phrase from Iyanla Vanzant. It is meant to communicate how others experience you, irrespective of your intentions. You might have not intended to hurt, that does not negate that those you are interacting with got hurt.

When they communicate that to you. It is a natural reaction to want to defend yourself. It is natural that you want others to see you the way you see yourself. However, that moment is not the time for that. That is the time to acknowledge the hurt that you’ve inadvertently caused, be curious as to how this has happened and do whatever you can to restore the relationship.

What we often do; which is the reason why some people avoid confrontation, is that we injure them twice by defending ourselves, which has an effect of gaslighting them, shaming them or even down right attacking them. Maybe the key to better relationships at work is to let go of who we think we are and be curious as to how we show up.

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below or ⬇️ in the Bio ⬆️to book a 30 Minutes 3 stage plan to achieving your goals session with me.

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I am where I am

I am where I am!

When you make a decision to move to the next level, the next level of leadership, or up levelling how you show up; this decision will require that you become a different version of who you are.

That can be emotionally unsettling.

The contrast between where you are and where you want to be can feel intensely uncomfortable. it can create a new level of anxiety and some days even temporary depression. It can even show up in your physical circumstances where bad things start to happen.

It’s important to remind yourself when these moments show up, that you are where you are. Where you are may not be pleasant. But that’s where you are, and even if things don’t look like they are changing. It’s important to remember that there is no crisis. You are just changing.

Mindset tools, self compassion and professional support becomes crucial at this point . Because it may become so uncomfortable that you may give up. Your lack of understanding or staying in touch with the truth of what is happening can make the transition more difficult than it needs to be. Allow yourself to be supported.

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below or ⬇️ in the Bio ⬆️to book a 30 Minutes 3 stage plan to achieving your goals session with me.

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Driving will always be more efficient than running

I was chatting to a friend recently about coaching and he, like many people thought that getting coached is a form of lack of confidence in their personal power.

I tried to explain that coaches unlike mentors are not advisors or subject matter experts who will show you how things are done.

A good coach is there to help you get out of your own way. She helps you be more efficient in your thinking, channels you towards your own clarity. In my opinion, coaching at its core is a clarity providing mechanism. Clarity of thought, purpose and intent inspires aligned and therefore more effective actions that produces results.

A good coach knows that there are many ways to achieving what you want to achieve and that the way for you may be unique to who you are. She doesn’t insist on her way because she is not a consultant, unless she is specifically a strategy coach, which in my opinion is a blend of consulting and coaching.

You can do anything you set your mind to. You can with more focus and effort be able to see, when you get in your own way and realign. It’s just harder when you do it on your own, just like walking or running is harder than driving. Getting a coach is making the journey towards the achievement of your goal more efficient, more conveniently than roughing it up on your own.

You may be a fastest runner on the planet but you will get to where you are going faster and more efficiently if you drive or catch a plane. You are also at less risk of giving up because of overwhelm.

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below or ⬇️ in the Bio ⬆️to book a 30 Minutes 3 stage plan to achieving your goals session with me.

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All of your power is in this moment.

All of your power is in this moment.

The longer we live, the more we are in danger of failing to appreciate the power of a new day, of a new moment. We can let life be a drag of routine – routine behaviour, same old people, moods and ways of being. Same expectations and same outcomes.

We can allow ourselves to be paralysed by regretting the decisions we have taken or should have taken and loose the opportunity and possibilities that a new moment offers.

Besides being a learning moment, regret in and of itself is pointless. One cannot know without a doubt that having made a different choice would have aligned every thing to have a more favourable outcome. However obvious or certain it may seem.

Either way, you are where you are. This moment carries possibilities. A new intention, a new perspective, a new decision taken right now, can be a catalyst for a whole new life. The solution to your long standing problem, is in the newness of this moment.

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below or ⬇️ in the Bio ⬆️to book a 30 Minutes 3 stage plan to achieving your goals session with me.

For other ways to connect:

How can I see this differently?

How can I see this differently?

A friend just got an amazing promotion, and just a couple of years ago we were congratulating her on another major promotion. On hearing this news, I thought to myself, that this was the most logical thing in the world besides the fact that she is amazing (she really is!) this is how life is supposed to be. We are supposed to be expanding all the time.

How is it that other people keep expanding and others seem to be stuck, regressing or growing at a seemingly snail pace. Are they born with a special gene that the rest of us don’t have?

There’s a reel that’s making rounds, where someone is asking rich people what is the one truth they live by. This one guy said his father told him to remember that everyone wears their pants the same way in the morning. Meaning we are all the human. There is no physical difference between people who make a million an hour and those who make it only in 5 years.

They do not work harder, cause that’s impossible. The main difference is that they see things or themselves differently .

Tony Robbins says the quality of your life is dependent on the quality of the questions you ask. If that’s the case, one of the questions that I suggest is this: ‘How can I see this/myself differently so I can have different results? Approach this with curiosity not with regret or shame.

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below or ⬇️ in the Bio ⬆️to book a 30 Minutes 3 stage plan to achieving your goals session with me.

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How am I doing that to myself?

How am I doing that to myself ?

It seems cruel when someone when things are not going well in your life and you are told that you create your own reality. Do you mean that ‘ I invite the bullies in my life, the haters, the success blockers in my life’? Do you mean that after all this hard work I’ve put in, it is my fault that I’m treated badly? You ask.

It’s true, it doesn’t absolve the bully, the hater or blocker but iwhatever is happening in your outer life is a mirror reflecting to you what is running in your subconscious mind. It is a hard truth to swallow however, it is empowering!

When you assume that what is happening in your life is as a purely as a result of someone’s behaviour – you become a victim. Two things can happen, you will either fall in to despair because it doesn’t matter what you do, someone else has the power. Or you can find comfort in vilifying them, waiting for them to change their behaviour. This creates comfort and relief – everyone can see that you are the victim here.

When you accept that your external circumstances are a reflection of your internal situation; You are empowered to look within where you have the control. The truth is someone’s harsh words or treatment hurts even more when they trigger a subconscious deserving or agreement with their treatment of us.

Are you a Black Woman in the Workplace who feels called to the next level of leadership, income and impact?

Click the Link below or ⬇️ in the Bio ⬆️to book a 30 Minutes 3 stage plan to achieving your goals session with me.

https://koalendar.com/e/meet-with-busisiwe-hlatswayo

For other ways to connect:

https://linktr.ee/Blackwomenintheworkplace